The Most Underrated Part of Foreplay? Massage.
When most people think about foreplay, massage probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind.
But honestly?
It should be.
Not the quick "rub my shoulders for 11 seconds and ask if I'm relaxed" kind. 😅
I'm talking about the slow, intentional, melt-into-the-moment kind.
Because massage isn't just relaxing.
It can be one of the easiest ways to help your body transition from a busy, stressful day into a more connected, intimate mindset.
Why Massage Makes Intimacy Better
Have you ever noticed that your body is technically present, but your mind is still somewhere else?
You're thinking about work.
Laundry.
Dinner.
The kids.
That email you forgot to answer.
The grocery list.
The 47 tabs open in your brain.
For many people—especially women—feeling mentally overwhelmed makes it harder to relax into intimacy.
Massage gives your body permission to slow down.
It helps create warmth, encourages relaxation, increases circulation, and reminds your nervous system that you're safe enough to be present.
Sometimes that's exactly what's needed before intimacy ever begins.
Stop Treating Massage Like a Pit Stop
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is treating massage like something to rush through.
A few quick shoulder squeezes...
Maybe thirty seconds of rubbing someone's back...
Then immediately expecting everything else to happen.
Instead, try thinking about massage as part of the experience instead of something that simply leads to it.
Give yourselves five or ten uninterrupted minutes.
Slow down.
Breathe.
Notice each other.
The anticipation you build can be just as enjoyable as the destination.
Set the Mood First
You don't need an elaborate spa setup.
A few small details can completely change the experience:
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Dim the lights.
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Put your phones away.
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Play relaxing music.
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Warm the massage oil between your hands before applying it.
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Choose a body-safe massage oil or glide that lets your hands move smoothly without tugging on the skin.
When everything feels intentional, it's much easier to stay connected to the moment.
Three Massage Techniques to Try Tonight
If you're not sure where to begin, start simple.
1. The Slow Shoulder Melt
Shoulders carry an incredible amount of everyday stress.
Place your hands on the tops of your partner's shoulders and use your thumbs to make slow, gentle circles where tension tends to build.
Keep your movements steady and consistent.
The goal is relaxation—not a deep tissue massage.
Think "mmm," not "physical therapy appointment."
2. The Lower Back Sweep
Place both hands on the lower back.
Using slow, even pressure, glide outward toward the hips before returning to the center.
Repeat several times.
Then use the palms of your hands to make slow circles around the hips and lower back.
This area often holds stress, and spending extra time here can help your partner relax while naturally building anticipation.
3. The Thigh Tease
Using long, slow strokes, glide your hands from just above the knee toward the upper thigh.
Pause before reaching the most sensitive areas, then slowly repeat.
Keeping the focus on the surrounding muscles creates a playful sense of anticipation while encouraging your partner to stay present and engaged with the experience.
Sometimes slowing down creates more excitement than rushing ahead.
The Secret Is Paying Attention
One of the best parts about massage is that it encourages you to actually notice your partner.
Watch their breathing.
Notice when their shoulders soften.
Listen for the little sighs that tell you they're finally relaxing.
Pay attention to where they naturally lean into your touch.
Those subtle responses often tell you more than words ever could.
Flying Solo? This Works Too.
Massage isn't only for couples.
Taking a few minutes to slow down and care for your own body before solo intimacy can help you feel more grounded, connected, and present.
Applying lotion or massage oil, stretching, and intentionally relaxing tense muscles can transform the experience from something rushed into an act of self-care.
Your relationship with your own body deserves that same attention.
Slow Is Powerful
We spend so much of our lives rushing.
Through work.
Through chores.
Through conversations.
Through our to-do lists.
Intimacy doesn't have to be another thing you hurry through.
Sometimes the most meaningful moments happen when you intentionally slow everything down.
So tonight, try something different.
Turn down the lights.
Warm the massage oil between your hands.
Take a deep breath.
And give yourselves permission to enjoy the journey instead of rushing to the destination.
If you're looking for body-safe massage oils, glides, and products that make intimate massage feel even more luxurious, I've rounded up some of my favorite massage essentials below.
Because sometimes the most underrated part of intimacy ends up being everyone's favorite.